Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I'm not crazy!

So on Monday I went and saw Dr S. She is the psychologist I did all my pre-op required visits with. I wanted to go see her primarily for 2 reasons:

1. I am having problems adjusting to my current body size and I feel that I am hearing a lot of negative comments from people saying that I am to thin.

2. I am in pain. I have this pain in my tummy and the GI Dr. and Dr T both don't know what is going on. This is wearing me down. I want need someone to tell me what is wrong. So I thought that maybe since no one knows what is wrong I am just nuts and its all in my head.

So Dr S. confirmed that even though I joke about being crazy I am not. I am a pretty well adjusted kind-of girl. She laughed when I told her I thought it was in my head and I'm not going to lie it was a relief to have her tell me its completely normal to feel the way I do. I know I have started to doubt myself and my sanity level because no one can figure out what is wrong with me. I'm a very analytical person and since they can't see what is wrong with me on paper it makes me feel like I'm just losing it mentally.

Body Size..
I know I still see myself as a big girl. I don't see myself as the size 8 that I currently am. When I look in the mirror I see me. It's funny cause I still see the same me. I don't define myself by my size so it has been hard to now start hearing negative comments from others. No one ever told me I was to fat and now they are telling me I'm to thin!

What she told me to do was pretty basic and hopefully it will work.

She asked me if I was where I wanted to be with my weight and I said yes. She asked if my surgeon felt I was at a healthy weight and I said yes (I'm really below his goal by 15 pounds and he is cool with that). Then she said what is the problem? If someone has a problem with my weight then that is a problem they have...not mine! I totally agree. I know its just hard because I don't know what to say when people say negative things about my body size...she told me just to walk away and

focus on the positives.

that is the simple part

I know I have been in such a rut lately and I feel that I have had so much negative energy around me and it had made me negative and grumpy. I'm not a grumpy person. I know work is a mess right now and I might need to have exploratory surgery soon but its okay I am alive.

So as I leave for work today for a 12 hour shift and realizing I don't have a day off until Friday of next week. I will focus on the positives. Working lots of hours means lots of overtime which means a nice paycheck just in time to go shopping with Tina for my birthday :) and my birthday means another adult only trip to Disneyland!

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