Operation Peek-A-Boo

Operation Peek-A-Boo is scheduled and all set! All of my pre-op appointments are done and over with. I saw Dr T's most amazing physician assistant CT...who BTW I told her about my blog (so I'm officially outed on the blog front) She went over the procedure in detail and answered all of my silly questions

BUT....


For some reason I have so much anxiety going into this surgery. I think it is because I don't know what is wrong. Maybe fear of the unknown or maybe just fear because deep, deep down I don't think they are going to find anything wrong at all or what if they find something super bad. My biggest fear is that they will find something wrong with my weight loss surgery. I know this is not going to be the case but still I am scared.

Sometimes I wonder if they don't find anything wrong...will I have to live like this the rest of my life? Can I handle living with this the rest of my life? The past few weeks I have been such a mess. I feel myself becoming depressed and not wanting to do anything or go around anyone. I don't even want to hang out with me why would other people? I'm sooooo Debbie Downer right now.

I just want need to feel better.

On a side note:

I swear if another person asks me if I regret having weight loss surgery since I never had this pain before and I have it now post-wls...I might will punch them. Just an FYI out there to the Internet world before my wls I lived in pain. It might of been foot pain, back pain, knee pain...whatever pain the 200+ pounds I carried around caused. As a morbidly obese person you live everyday with physical pain. You just don't complain about it because its an everyday thing to you. That pain is gone now.

Now in my life the good days still far out number the bad. I live life. I love life. This is the first time I can remember feeling alive. :)