Tuesday, August 30, 2011

integrative medicine...

So on the recommendation of Dr T's amazing nurse B I made an appointment last Friday with integrative medicine. The way it was explained to me by the very nice doctor that I saw was that he also didn't know whats wrong with me but he would like to try and help me find ways to better cope and live with the abdominal discomfort I have. He also gave me some names of some different homeopathic medicines to try and help reduce the spasms I have in my tummy. So now I'm taking all of my regular supplements along with the 4 new ones he suggested and also drinking peppermint tea throughout the day to help with the spasms....FYI its not working!

He said the next step would be to do some sessions of bio-feedback and also acupuncture....um...no thank you to the needles

SO....

I'm going to totally be honest right not. I don't feel as if I am at the point where I need to learn how to manage this abdominal pain. I want answers I want to know whats wrong. So the next step is back to Dr. T this Friday to discuss.

I just want someone to tell me whats wrong

oh and peppermint tea is yucky!

Monday, August 29, 2011

Friday, August 26, 2011

Hey You!

Blog. I swear I didn't forget about you. I have been super super busy with work and life. Updates to come :)

Thursday, August 25, 2011

Anybody who believes that the way to a man's heart is through his stomach flunked geography.  ~Robert Byrne

Saturday, August 20, 2011

You can never go home again, but the truth is you can never leave home, so it's all right. ~Maya Angelou


Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Being a sex symbol has to do with an attitude, not looks. Most men think it's looks, most women know otherwise. ~Kathleen Turner


Tuesday, August 16, 2011

I'm not crazy!

So on Monday I went and saw Dr S. She is the psychologist I did all my pre-op required visits with. I wanted to go see her primarily for 2 reasons:

1. I am having problems adjusting to my current body size and I feel that I am hearing a lot of negative comments from people saying that I am to thin.

2. I am in pain. I have this pain in my tummy and the GI Dr. and Dr T both don't know what is going on. This is wearing me down. I want need someone to tell me what is wrong. So I thought that maybe since no one knows what is wrong I am just nuts and its all in my head.

Monday, August 15, 2011

Fade into you...

What Vitamins do I take?

yes I do take several different brands of calcium. I refuse to put all of my eggs in one basket :)

This is what I take:
Calcet creamy calcium bites lemon and chocolate (both YUMMY!)
Celebrate Cherry Tart calcium chewable (this is the only chewable I can do)
Citracal Calcium Citrate +d
Bariatric Advantage Carmel Chews, the lemon are good also (I don't care for the other flavors)
Celebrate Multi-vitamin capsules
Celebrate Iron
Kirkland Vitamin C (from Costco)
Biotin
B-12 sub-lingual (Trader Joes has the best!)


Check them both out and ask for samples. I know celebrate vitamins sends out freebies and  bariatric advantage has sample packs if you call and ask!
"I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind. Some come from ahead and some come from behind. But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see. Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!"

-Dr. Seuss

Sunday, August 14, 2011

weight loss surgery speak

Here are some common terms and phrases I might use in my posts. I thought a list might help some follow along. I will update this as needed :)

WLS- weight loss surgery
RNY - roux-en-y gastric bypass
NSA - no sugar added
NSV- non scale victory
LF- low fat
SF- sugar free
Terror #1 - My niece Ashlynn who is now 9
Terror #2 - My nephew Cody who is now 6 7
Teenage Terror- My niece Cayla who is 16
Daisy and Harley- my 2 dogs. Daisy is a Boston terrier and Harley is a chihuahua
Dr. T - My surgeon
Nurse B - the best nurse ever/ Dr T's nurse
CT - Dr T's physician assistant
Dr K aka GI Dr - GI doctor
MF - nutritionist
DR S- psychologist
Scripps Green- hospital where I had my WLS and gall bladder surgery
FB- facebook

The Pain In My Tummy....

After seeing the GI Doctor on the 4th I was pretty bummed. I have expressed that I don't want to have another surgery. I guess the one other option at this point is that I might have an internal hernia. I made the decision that day that I don't want to have another surgery so I decided that I will just deal with the pain. I know I do have a super high pain tolerance but seriously the just deal with it plan isn't gonna work.

I know I talk in the blog about the pain but I don't recall if I have ever expressed what "the pain" really is. It started a few months back. When I would eat it would hurt about 20 minutes after. I had this consistent burning, gnawing sensation all the time. The first time I told Dr. T about this I was put back on PPIs and given carafate to help my stomach heal...possible ulcer?! It didn't help so he ordered yet another CT scan...I swear I've had like 5 since my WLS for various reasons. The CT scan showed zip, zero, nothing...they never do!

Next step was an endoscopy at the beginning of May (I think) this also showed zip, zero, nothing. Next was the sickness at the beginning of July which resulted in an upper GI and small bowel series which you guessed it showed zip, zero, nothing.

Next step was the GI Doctor who basically doesn't know whats wrong with me and now the pain has changed. I don't need to eat to be in pain. It just shows up on its own. It wakes me up at night. I just want someone to have an answer, an easy fix. I am starting to think its in my head. I am a very black and white kind-of person and all these tests show that nothing is wrong...so in my mind it must be in my head....right?

Maybe its stress I don't know. I don't know what to do at this point. I don't know how much longer I can live each day like this. I know eventually I will have to let Dr. T go in and look around but I already know whats going to happen....he isn't going to find anything wrong with me! I'm discouraged.

BUT

I do have one more option integrative medicine. Dr T's most amazing nurse ever B had suggested it before but I sort of laughed it off. I talked to her this past Monday when she came back from vacation and she said it again so I agreed to give it a try. I am willing to try anything at this point and I trust her opinion so maybe just maybe it might help. To me exploratory surgery is my LAST option besides work is a mess right now and I cant take time off...remember I am a work-a-holic too ;-)

So I'm gonna go take a different approach and remain positive.

Oh and I'm going to see the Psychologist who I did my pre-op consult with Monday...maybe it is in my head or maybe just maybe something is going on in my old tummy? <------which is what I think it is :)



Saturday, August 13, 2011

CLICK!

In case you didn't know by now I love coffee. I am grumpy without it and sad to say I need coffee in function in the morning or even as an afternoon pick me up. Well I have found a solution. Coffee + protein = CLICK! I usually just add some cold water to my blender bottle, 2 scoops of CLOCK and shake. No need for anything else. If I'm home I blend it with some ice and maybe some SF torani Carmel syrup. YUMMY!

My favorite by far is the vanilla latte. I tried the mocha but it was way to strong for me. I haven't tried the new all natural CLICK yet but I will soon.

Go buy it here! Amazon has the best price and you can do the subscribe and save to save even more money. Its protein and coffee...enough said :)

Oh and I LOVE my little container. It should be used for baby formula but holds 3 servings of CLICK :)
Every day may not be good, but there's something good in every day. ~Author Unknown


Please help me find some good in today. I'm sick and don't want to go to work! I hate being so responsible sometimes.

Friday, August 12, 2011

I want a kiss like this...

oh and someone to buy me flowers...

I like tulips :)

The Vitamin Train

Awhile back Blackberry Mama and I were chatting on twitter about vitamins. The end result of this conversation was the vitamin train. I need to hold myself accountable for my vitamins. I know as a RNY post-op ( or any type of WLS) I need my vitamins. I need them to live. I need this supplementation to be healthy. So if you wanna join the vitamin train holla at your girl over on twitter. I used to send out @ reminders to everyone but the list has grown to long but you can join our discussion. Its seems that each day brings some new riders out.

I try to tweet reminders 4 times a day. I take my supplements 4 times a day. Usually around 9 am 11 am 1 pm and then at night before bed. I space them out at least 2 hours apart and sometimes I'm a little late with the reminders but the goal is to get them all in :) I will admit these past couple weeks have been rough and I have missed tons of stops on the train but I'm back...so lets do this!

Thursday, August 11, 2011

silly.

Dear Scale,

I know over the span of our life together we have had a Love-Hate relationship. I remember how excited I was the days following my WLS when I saw your numbers going down. I was relieved to leave the 300's and I cried when I saw 199 pounds. Never in my adult life have I been anywhere in the 100's. Our surgeon set a goal for us and we flew right past it. I set a goal for us and with tons of hard work we made it but lately Ive been noticing a small problem.

Yes! We still have a problem. I don't know what I have been doing but you keep going down. Well I know what I am not doing. I know I'm not eating enough calories. See my stomach hurts when I eat so I guess I just forget to eat. I know this is a poor excuse and I know I need to do better. I need your help. Please stop moving down. I never thought I would ever want you to stop going down but I like where I'm at right now. I just went clothes shopping and bought some really cute stuff and it fits.

I am so sick and tired of people telling me I'm to thin. I'm not. I know I'm not but when people keep telling you stuff you start to believe it. I don't know what to say to people when they tell me this. I am just at a loss for words...and if you know me like I know you do that's a rare occasion.

So please lets work together on this :)

Love,
Me

prior proper planning

Right after weight loss surgery you will feel as if you will never be able to eat again. While laying in bed sipping water and taking bites of protein pudding with my baby spoon I thought that the rest of my life was going to be like this. I wanted to eat not like I did before but I wanted to be able eat once again.

Overall I haven't had many food intolerances. I have been very lucky on this front. Some food days are better then others. Due to my on-going un-diagnosed aka wtf is wrong with you stomach issues. I did find it very hard to get all of my protein in. I still struggle. I know a lot of days I don't hit my protein goal but I try to take it one day at a time and find other options for protein.

I cant do protein shakes. If I can taste even a hint of whey I just cant do it. I cant do soy. I have my one and only favorite CLICK! (but that's a whole other post). I eat tons of plain Greek Yogurt. I mix it in everything that I can. Greek Yogurt is great. You can make it sweet or savory.

For me the key to success so far has been meal planning. Maybe its partly due to my OCD-ish tendencies but I have to plan out my food the night before my day. If I don't do this I have noticed I either eat like crap or don't eat at all. Mostly I just wont eat at all. I still at over 16 months post op don't feel hungry. If you would of told me I never would feel hunger again I would of called you a liar but I still don't feel hungry. I live everyday waiting for this feeling to return. In a twisted sort-of way I do miss it but I don't want it back...he he does that even make sense?

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

The sisterhood of the traveling pants...




I still own these pants. I will never donate them or throw them out. They show me how far I have come and how hard I have worked.

Its the same reason I carry pictures with me of myself before my weight loss surgery. They remind me of how easy it was to become obese. They remind me of how hard I have worked to become healthy. They remind me that living life as an obese person was my life and it is a life I refuse to return to.




Terror #2 with with my pants!
 
  

1 year post-wls and the pants :)


Tuesday, August 9, 2011

I want to go back on vacation...

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday Cody aka terror # 2. 7 years ago today my life was forever changed the minute I first held you. I love you!

Love Auntie Liz aka the best Aunt ever!

Tuesday Truths

I have a problem. Well an addiction. A shopping addiction to one store.

Ladies you will understand when I tell you how much I LOVE shopping at Victorias Secret.

As a plus size girl I could never shop in this store and I sort of never understood why people went all giggly over shopping there but now I get it. Its a skinny girl thing.

Yep! I said it..the skinny word *eak*

I love being able to buy all the cute panties, bras, and other unmentionables!

I swear I have purchased at least 8 bras in the past 6 months and ladies we all know Victorias Secret ain't cheap

but

Its OK I'm totally worth it :)

Monday, August 8, 2011

Domestic Violence

Growing up I lived in a house where domestic violence occurred. I was a child in a house where domestic violence took place and my Mom felt that she was helpless and couldn't leave. One day she did leave....but that is a whole other story.

Tonight before I left work I received a phone call from (insert name here) whos boyfriend was just arrested for domestic violence. They fight all the time. I have seen the warning signs and offered to find her help. She always says no and that she can handle it. She couldn't handle it. No one should ever be asked or even feel as if they need to "handle" being someones punching bag. She is so young. She doesn't deserve this. I pray that she stays away from him and that she finds someone to love her for her.

I hope the judge throws the book at him.

It breaks my heart.

I don't know what kind of man would ever raise his hand in anger to anyone let alone the woman he loves.

Hey maybe it might help...

Dear Stomach,
Hi it's me. Your owner/operator. This past weekend wasn't a good one. Losing 6 pounds since Friday is completely unacceptable.

We received some not so nice news on Thursday and for some reason you have decided to act like an immature little child. I haven't been able to really eat all weekend and I am not a fan of protein shakes so that's not going so well either.

What I am trying to ask is that you play nice from now on?

I have decided that we are so not letting Dr. T open us up and look around. That is unless you start to play nicely with me. I can manage the pain overall but I can't deal with another weekend like this last one. I don't want to end up in urgent care getting fluids. Urgent care sucks. I know we both hate it there!

I don't know what else to do with you. Cute Gi Dr is stumped and so is Dr. T. The only other option is to go outside of my medical group and get yet another opinion. I don't want to do this. I really don't want to go see another doctor. I'm so over going to the doctors in general.

So please grow up and play nice.

Thank You

Love,
Liz
:)

Last Name Ever First Name Greatest...

So at work yesterday I made the decision to come home and swim. My pool is always empty and my legs still ache a little from my workout on Friday night. Oh and its hot outside so the pool is probably super nice right now.

I come home from work and creepy neighbor guy is at the pool. Seriously! boo. So I decide that I will just go on a nice walk.

I am stressed from work and the cookie issue and I need to clear my head. Besides I feel like a total fool that stuck my foot into my mouth from an event over this weekend and I needed to clear my head.

Workout clothes, iPhone, water bottle and off I go. I walked for almost 2 hours. I gotta admit I lost track of time. I feel better now. I still feel like an idiot that stuck my foot in my mouth but oh well life goes on and I will most likely never see this person again so I need to get over it! hehe I know I'm a dork :)

I realized that I am starting to like the pain you get in your muscles from when you over work them. I say this now as I am still laying in bed and I probably won't be able to stand all day at work and be crying about it later.

I really wish I could find someone who lived by me to workout with. I need a workout buddy but my schedule is so wacky it probably would never work.

I am making a commitment to work out more even if it is alone. I had stopped working out due to the whole blood sugar thing but I have learned what my triggers are and I have also learned to carry glucose tabs and I have been trying to eat some different food combos before a workout to see if that helps. Tonight after my walk my sugar was at 62. Which is still isn't good but its better then where its been and hey I'm working on it :) Everyday is a new adventure for me!

Sorry I am rambling.

For some strange reason this song totally pumps me up...I dunno I swear this rocker chick is turning ghetto fabulous!

I believe...

Sunday, August 7, 2011

The Cookie!

Work is stressful. I am stressed out. I can admit this. I need another vacation or I need something else but that is so not blog appropriate. Well not for this blog anyways. :)

SO...

Today I forgot my lunch at home. I try to bring my lunch everyday. I meal plan. It works for me. It keeps me eating healthy and it is a lot less expensive and less wasteful. The food options around my work are very slim so I end up at either Subway or Rubios.

So today I decide to go to Subway. I usually order a kids meal-  tiny turkey sandwich with provolone, light mayo, tomatoes, olives, and pickles :)

I pick apart the sandwich (no bread for me), eat a few apple slices, and throw the (100% juice) Juice box in the fridge at work for another day or time.

OK

back to Subway. I am in line waiting to pay, texting away on my phone and I see the case. You know the one with the cookies. Yes, cookies. I was never a sweets kind of person but for some reason in my stressed out mind I had to have a cookie. The girl in front of me who was plus size was ordering her foot long and chips and cookies and a soda... all I wanted was 1 little cookie and I have done so well and its just a cookie. I wanted to cry. Unfair, she was getting a cookie and I really wanted a cookie. So in my analytical mind I decided I would order a cookie...one wouldn't hurt...right?

I go to pay and guess what cookies are 3 for $1.00...oooh a sale...So yep give me 3... sure I can't pass up a sale. I can share with my girls :)

Back to work I go with 3 cookies. This is the closet I have been to a sugary cookie in 16 months. I was alone with cookies.

Story of my life...

Is it to much to ask for a guy to hold the door open for you? Surprise you at work with flowers? Or even just tell you that you're beautiful?

I worked a 12 hour day Saturday at work. By the time closing rolled around I was dead to the world but towards the end of the night I received a text from a friend we will call him SM. I met SM a few months ago. I haven't and don't plan on telling SM about my weight loss surgery. I feel that I am far enough out from WLS that I can blend in with normal people so to say. I try to hide my strange eating habits and not go on dates or outings with new people that involve food.

As much as I try to convince myself that SM is a good guy, I just don't like him in that way. We have went out a few times and I have tried to tell him this isn't working and nothing has or will be happening. He is very persistent to say the least. He tells me that I just am not giving him a chance. I will admit that it takes a lot for me to let someone in and he feels I just won't let him in but seriously I'm just not feeling it. I guess the reason I still talk to him is that I know how bad rejection hurts and I don't want to reject anyone. So I try to be his friend.

I do hate rejection and the thought of it. I am finding it hard to date post WLS. Truth be told I always have found dating to be hard. I did hide behind my weight. I will admit that now but it seems that every time I put myself out there I just get the brush off. The phone call that isn't returned, an unanswered email, or text. (I swear I am trying to put myself out there more but to this day it still is happens) So I tend to just hang back and not date as much as I should. I just don't understand men and maybe that is my problem I need to stop trying to understand. After this weekend I really do give up. I'm going to live my life like the stereo typical crazy cat lady but I will have dogs instead. I'm not a cat person.

I can't read men and I need to stop trying.

OK

Back to SM. So I decide to go out with him after work against my better judgement I might add and so what does he want to do? Oh lets just go to Denny's and talk..since its already so late...ooh great food...I've already had a crappy tummy day and now here we are sitting with me looking at a dessert menu. Yep! I don't do sugar. I don't want to find out the hard way if I dump and more so I don't want to find out in front of SM. So I order a de-caf coffee and refuse to even take a bite of the most delicious looking chocolate cake he had ordered....SO guess what SM asks me...

are you ready?

um Liz you really never want to eat.....

do you have an eating disorder?

ha ha only if you knew :) I laughed it off but I swear he thinks I have an eating disorder and here I thought I was starting to blend in with the normal people once again...


I really want to know what men want? I always end up in the friend territory...How do I avoid that?


It's funny but I see people around me enter into and exit so many different relationships and I can't even get a guy to buy me stupid flowers. I guess its not funny its a little more pathetic.

PS I told SM once again this isn't working and I just want to be friends..How come the guy I want to be friends with wants more? ha ha yep Story of my life :)

Saturday, August 6, 2011

VENTing on this BLOG

Just an FYI out there to anyone that stumbles across this blog. I use this tiny web space of mine to vent!

Yep instead of eating cookies or yummy Doritos I type and type and half the time I don't make sense or have correct grammar or even spell things properly.

Hi! My name is Liz and I am a text book emotional eater. Since my WLS makes it hard to eat I needed to find new outlets. So now I blog when I'm angry/happy/sad/stressed/whatever. Oh and I run. I love to run.

So please don't take anything you read here that seriously. It usually just comes out of left field when something or someone pisses me off  :)

PS If I gave you the link to this blog you should feel super duper special. I don't share my un-censored self with most people I know in real life so if I gave you the link I must like you :)

Friday, August 5, 2011

10 truths

10 Truths...


1. I'm a work-a-holic
2. I cry every time I watch Extreme Home Makeover - this is why I won't watch that show
3. I have 2 dogs and if you don't like them chances are we won't get along
4. I have an extreme fear of driving
5. I love sleeping on clean sheets
6. I couldn't live without music
7. I love to cook but hate to do the dishes
8. I hate taking any type of medication including my vitamins but I still take vitamins 4-5 times a day
9. I have this huge wall I put up to keep people out. Slowly I'm trying to tear it down.
10. I have to have my toe nails painted at all times. I probably own about 50 bottles of polish.

16 months post #wls

And down 202 #s

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Let us rise up and be thankful, for if we didn't learn a lot today, at least we learned a little, and if we didn't learn a little, at least we didn't get sick, and if we got sick, at least we didn't die; so, let us all be thankful.  ~Buddha

What should I pack?

A common search that sends people to this here blog is: What do I pack to take to the hospital gastric bypass RNY lapband? (Well its something like that)

I'm gonna break it down. I way over packed for my RNY and didn't even pack for my emergency gall bladder surgery and yes it was ok.

HELLO PEOPLE

Honesty...

So when was the last time a doctor honestly told you that they don't know what's wrong with you?

Well for me that day was today! I will say it was very refreshing for GI doctor to straight up tell me he doesn't know what's going on inside me. I'm not going to lie I am so sick of doctors giving me the run around. Every one has their own opinion and I'm willing to try anything to feel better. Well almost anything.

Wednesday, August 3, 2011

another Doctors appt....

So tomorrow morning I make the long drive back to Scripps Green to meet with Dr. K aka the GI Doctor. I mostly still feel the same. This past week was horrible. The pain is driving me mad. I can't sleep and don't want to eat. I am living on saltines with peanut butter and protein skakes.

This depresses me!

Beauty

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."



— Marilyn Monroe

face-stalking :)

find me on facebook and on twitter

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Life was so much easier and less complicated when I was fat...

Hyperinsulinemic Hypoglycemia? Say What?!?!?!? Huh?

That is exactly what I asked my Doctor....

It started maybe about a month after I had my gall bladder removed. I would wake up in the middle of the night in a puddle of sweat. Waking up in the morning with legs that feel as if they are made of jello, cold sweats, and dizziness among other symptoms. Before I went to the doctors I had read a lot about low blood sugar and went out and bought a cheap meter from the store.

I started to test my sugar levels and learned the highs and lows. What I learned is that when my sugar does crash it does so fast and for no reason. When I was first having low blood sugar people would often make comments about how pale I was and next thing I know I would be laying on the floor looking for some orange juice or crackers with peanut butter. Yep I love when my sugar crashes in front of customers...talk about awkward!

I feel the best when my sugar is in the mid 80s - low 90s. The problem is my sugar levels won't stay there. My lows have gone into the 40's and once I saw that I freaked out and went to the see the doctor. I know I needed help.

So what did the doctor say? You most likely have hyperinsulinemic hypoglycemia and you need to test your blood sugar and then the good old lets just wait and see. I love how that is the line every doctor gives you. I know a lot of problems do resolve by themselves but still when you are experiencing something like this it's a bit scary.

I went and saw my nutritionist for help and she gave me some good advice as far as trying to control the insulin spikes but still my blood sugar loves to crash for no reason what-so-ever!

I was supposed to go back and see the doctor at the start of summer if I haven't improved any but I don't want to I am so sick of going to the doctors. I'm sick of being sick. Life was so much easier and less complicated when I was fat.

Monday, August 1, 2011

Guaranteed

I knew all the rules, but the rules did not know me

Guaranteed